The Life and Times of S

Musings III

Yesterday, while I stood behind a fireman in line for the cash at the grocery store, I noticed how perfect his hands were, despite being a fireman. Now, I don't have a thing for firemen, like most women. Tall, dark haired, green-eyed cops in black uniforms maybe, but not firemen. But I do have have a strange fetish, no wrong word, a strange kind of admiration for nice hands.


On a very separate note, yesterday, I had to meet with a taxpayer for my work. It was 11.30 am on a Wednesday morning. When I went over to his residence, I met with his wife, since he was unavailable. She was no older than 30, shabbily dressed, had obviously been cooking all morning and was carrying a six-month old boy in her arms in a house that was clearly too small for a child to play in.

While she signed away the papers I had asked her to sign, I asked her how long she had been in Canada. I do have a strange knack of getting people to talk about their lives. Anyway, she said, in her thick South Asian accent, she is from Bangladesh and has been here for 11 years. She doesn't like it here, she said.

And then she asked me how long I had been here and if I liked it here. And my response took her completely by surprise. She didn't say anything. But I could see it her tired, brown eyes. I don't think it was the fact that in my six years here, I've learnt to speak English the way I do. I think it was the fact that I like it here.

After I left, I got to thinking. Why was it that she hated being here as much as she did? And suddenly, I realized how lucky I have been to have the kind of support, financial and family, that I did when I first came. I am extremely independent now. But I couldn't have gotten to where I am today without all the help I was lucky enough to get.

Mind you, it took a lot of effort on my part too. A new country. New people you want to befriend while they try to judge if they want to accept you. New driving laws even. Back to school. Working for the first time. Everything was different. So very different. And given my extreme dislike for change, it took every last ounce of my patience, self-control and discipline to keep going. It still does.

And a whole lot of time. Its been six years. And I'm still counting.

And I realized why she doesn't like it here. The lack of independence, financial and mental. And the burden, physical, mental and financial, of a child. I know I shouldn't judge. I know I just may have ended up in her position had I not had the support. But I know that with some determination, she could have made her life a lot more than what it is today and what it is probably going to be for a long time to come.

As I sit alone in my most favourite little corner of my house that is the first thing I ever bought with my own money and the house that I've grown to love as much as I do, I thank my stars. I thank every single person who listened. Who contributed a kind or encouraging word along the way. And who didn't judge.

And I thank myself. For making the choices that I did.



I should really get back to studying.

posted by S @ 8:29 AM