The Life and Times of S

No air.

No air.

posted by S @ 7:48 PM 0 comments

Sunday evening.

7.53 pm.
Folded laundry in hand.
I opened your closet.
And saw something tacked to the wall.

Something so you.
It made me smile.

I love you more than words can ever say.

And I miss you even more.

posted by S @ 7:44 PM 0 comments

A good day.

Just like most government employees, I have to wear an ID card every day that I'm at work. The picture on it was taken more than a year and a half ago. I still remember that day. I couldn't stop laughing.

I know this has nothing to do with anything. Except that as I sat in training today, while trying to find something to keep me awake, I looked at that picture.

I remembered the laughter. Smiled.
And continued to listen to the instructor.

posted by S @ 7:42 PM 0 comments

Re-iteration.

posted by S @ 6:03 PM 0 comments

I have good days and bad days too.
I just wonder if the bad days will go away after.....

posted by S @ 5:16 PM 0 comments

The night is darkest just before the dawn.

posted by S @ 5:14 PM 0 comments

Three days.

And two nights.

posted by S @ 5:13 PM 0 comments

Can you keep a secret?

There's a problem with secrets. Like misery. They love company.

You keep them all in. And they pile up and up and up until they take over everything. Until you have no room for anything else. Until you're so full of secrets, you feel like you're going to burst. And just when you're about to burst with secrets, you get to keep one more.

The thing people forget about secrets is how good it can feel when secrets are finally set free. And good or bad, how liberating it can be to finally not have to hide behind them anymore.

But the biggest problem with secrets is that even when you think you're in control, you're not.

posted by S @ 6:26 PM 0 comments

July 14th

I look at the clock on my computer.
8.14 am.

Its my good friend V.A.'s 36th birthday. I type up a birthday email. And stop to think. Its your birthday today too. I try to remember the last one. 1998. Ten years to the date. I close my eyes. And try to remember the details. I can't.

I send the email to V.A.

Happy 42nd, A.C.
Hope you have a wonderful day.

posted by S @ 4:08 PM 0 comments

Words to live by

Knowing is better than wondering.

Doing is better than waiting.

And even the worst, most irretractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying.

posted by S @ 7:49 AM 0 comments

So when do you know its love?

You don't.


As long as there's laughing, do you even care?

posted by S @ 7:41 PM 0 comments

Adulthood

Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry used to be if you're going to get a new outfit for your bday or a bike or if you're going to get cookies for breakfast or toast or cereal.

Being an adult is really overrated.


Seriously, don't be fooled with the hot shoes or all the sex or your parents not being able to tell you what to do all the time.

Adulthood is responsibility.
And responsibility sucks. Really, really sucks.


The scariest part about responsibility. When you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers.

And its not like braces or training bras. Responsibility doesn't go away.

As I sit here in my new not-so-favourite corner, I think.

We're adults. When did that happen?
And, more importantly, how do we make it stop?

posted by S @ 7:02 PM 0 comments

2.27 pm

Training day.
Co-facilitator rambles on.
Something about customization.

I stare at my notebook screen.
And play with the bracelet on my left wrist.
My mind wanders.
I think of you.
And the day you gave me this bracelet.
And four others.

You got me the first.
I smiled.
And then you got me another one.
Then another.
And then another.
I smiled some more.

That was ten years ago.
How time flies.
Its a good thing I guess.

Someone asks a question.
My reverie is broken.
I look at the bracelet.
Again.
It wasn't even an occasion.

I smiled.
Slightly.

And continued to stare at the screen.

posted by S @ 5:09 PM 0 comments

Boundaries

Boundaries don't keep people out. They just fence you in.

But if you're willing to cross that line, and take that chance, the view from the other side, is almost always....spectacular.

posted by S @ 4:31 PM 0 comments

Bad things never come alone.

So I got loads of bad and somewhat bad news at work today.

Two of my friends at work, C.P. and M.Y, are leaving to move on to other sections. I like them both. A lot. They're good people and they make me laugh. And they really are good at what they do. They don't want to move on. But they're being made to. Just because they didn't score enough for some fake line that their bosses drew.

But such is life I guess. Sometimes you get things you don't want. And sometimes you want things you can't have.

I heard another piece of really bad news today.

My friend and colleague, J.L., who has had breast cancer twice in the past ten years, found out just before the long weekend that she had three tumours in her brain. She went home to tell her parents about it during long weekend. And, no one knows if it was from the news or just age or just other stress, her Dad passed away the following day.

So I'm not sure if they've had the funeral but I know she is scheduled for a very dangerous neurosurgery this week. She is a good person. Always smiling. Always around to laugh or to make you laugh. And she genuinely cares.

My heart bleeds for her and her family. So if you're reading, say a prayer for her tonight before you go to bed.

And before you fall asleep, close your eyes and remember to thank God. For every thing. For every breath. And for every smile of every person you care about that you're fortunate enough to see everyday.

posted by S @ 7:52 PM 0 comments

Its not about the destination.

Its about the journey.
And the discoveries we make along the way.

posted by S @ 6:39 PM 0 comments

In the middle of the night....

So I had a dream last night. Crazy is a mild word for it.

In the dream, my colleague S. was my family doctor, and my good friend S. was my specialist, who I forced to 'euthanize' me, because of some serious illness I had in the dream. He begged me to talk to my family before I made a decision like that, but I chose not to listen to him. After he gave me the death shot, the following conversation ensued:

"You have eight minutes."
"Thats more than enough."
"Is there someone you want to call?"
"No."
"Do you need anything?"
"Just my cell phone. And a pen and paper."
"Ok."
"I want to be alone."
"Ok."

I sent out a text message. And wrote out one line on a piece of paper.
Then I closed my eyes.

It was a crazy, crazy, crazy dream. But what was really crazy was that I only wrote down my thoughts for one person. And all the while I knew there is way more poeple out there that I care about and who care about me and who would want to hear from me before I breathed my last.

Hmmm. Guess I don't care about them as much as I thought I do.

posted by S @ 6:53 PM 0 comments