Such is life.
So today didn't start out as a good day. I didn't sleep all night. I had a huge, meaningless argument first thing this morning and as a consequence, I was not in the best of moods for most of the morning.It picked up a little though around noon after someone told me something that really put my hopes up about this job I had applied for last week. I had a hard time making the decision in the first place. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go here.
I had actually started looking forward to it, especially since everyone I spoke to about it told me that my chances of getting it were really good. It was a leap of faith really. But those haven't turned out in my favour a lot of the times. But I thought this time might be different. But as it turns out, it wasn't.
Anyway, so this afternoon, the same person told me that it wasn't going to work out. He told me why as well. I can understand where he is coming from but that really doesn't help. I spoke to my good friend, S., about it. I'm not sure if he really understood how much it stung, he said he did though, it didn't really help either.
As I sit alone in my study once again, I think about why it stings the way it does. Why am I so upset about something I never had to begin with? I tell myself it wasn't meant to be. But thats just a fancy way of saying, it sucks. And there is really nothing you or anyone can do about it.
Apparently, I've been so good at what I do that no one wants to let me go. I find it very hard to believe though. And what is even harder to believe that sometimes even good performance can stand in the way of your career sometimes. I won't say that good performance stood in the way of my happiness since even I don't know what makes me happy.
Every morning, before I leave the house, I pray that whatever happens, may it be for the best. For all. I know this is probably for the best too. And I know some day in the future, I'll look back on it and realize that it truly was for the best.
But for now, it stings like hell. And I really don't know what to do about it.
Come to think of it, its really my fault. Its happened to me before. Not relating to a job though. But still. You'd think I'd know how to handle it by now.
I'm used to being disappointed in life.
I should have known better.
posted by S @ 5:48 PM
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