The Life and Times of S

So I'm leaving India in two days. I've been here for 10 days now, but it feels like I arrived yesterday. Everytime I think about it, my heart breaks a little. I cried today. In the car while my sister drove me and my Mom to the mall and they both had some sort of mundane conversation about groceries.

How much does it cost to be able to see the ones you love more than life itself smile? It costs a lot. And its not money.

I wiped my tears before we got to the mall.

I have had so much fun these past few days. The laughing, the talking late into the night, the jokes no one else will ever get. I miss that. A lot. And its just too bad.

Its not all good though. The tensions, the politics, the bickering. It all drives me insane. And what drives me more insane is how it is affecting my family. And by family I mean my immediate family. Coz those are the ones I truly care about. I hate what its doing to my Mom. I can't even fathom what it must be doing to my Dad. And I hate what its doing to them. I just wish I could do something about it.

But even with all its craziness, I love it. All of it. I can't remember the last time someone made me laugh the way my sister can. I can't remember the last time I ate something that tasted this good not because it was made well but because it was made with love. And I can't remember the last time someone looked at me with eyes that say: "I don't ever want to look away."

I don't know why I'm thinking about all this tonight.

Maybe it's because I don't want to leave.
Yet. Or at all.

I wish I knew.

posted by S @ 1:26 PM