The Life and Times of S

More Musings

I had so many thoughts today that I am struggling to keep them all in my head long enough to put them down here.

Here goes:

I was driving by a golf course on my way back from work today and the way the evening sunshine fell on the grass, it was the most beautiful shade of green I have ever seen. Somehow it reminded me of my Mom. And her smile.

Someone I work with randomly came up to me today and gave me an unasked for shoulder rub. Now I say someone I work with because that person is more than an acquaintance but less than a friend. And I say unasked because it totally creeped me out. Usually, I don't mind being touched because I am an affectionate person. But I don't know why that totally creeped me out today. Maybe it's because I don't like him much.

I love to laugh. I get it from my Dad. I miss him.

I have to be the best at everything. I know it's stupid but that's who I am. But somehow I've just fallen short of best all my life. And that bothers me. A lot.

I know it was a long time ago. I know it doesn't matter. I don't even feel anything anymore. Not hatred, not disdain, not pity. Nothing. But I still wonder. Was any of it ever true? It probably wasn't. But how can eyes lie? I wish I had gotten a chance to talk. You know, kind of like an exit interview. I never did. It's been eight years. I still wonder. And it still stings.

P. told me how excited he was that his best friend, P., is coming to visit from Toronto this weekend. P. says he has three loves in life. Me, P. and the Leafs, in that order. But I know its P., me and then the Leafs. It doesn't bother me. I just wonder if it will ever change.

Lastly, I don't love much about myself but I love my hair.

Sweet Dreams.
S.

posted by S @ 7:33 PM